Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Dear friend,
Im sorry that it's been so long since I wrote. Life has been busy. Lots to do, lots to see. It has been full of ups and downs. Like all lives are.
Today is not a good day. And it's still the morning. I'm afraid of losing her. I'm afraid that I won't be enough. That one day she'll decide that I'm not worth it. That she's still in love with someone else.
It hurts a lot today. Breathing, smiling, eating. It's all too hard. I woke up and felt sick. Sick to my stomach. I tried throwing up but there was nothing in me to come out. Even if I wanted to eat, I couldn't keep it down. I laid in the shower with the water so hot it burned me, until I couldn't feel anything anymore. 
What a remarkable concept. To not feel. To let go of all emotion and care. 
I hope that everything turns out okay. I hope that I'm the one. I hope that I can become someone worth being. Someone who is wanted and desired. Someone who is someone. Someone who is alive.
I promise I'll be better at writing friend. I hope you're well.
Love always,

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