Monday, April 20, 2015

There is a certain peculiar feeling when one is trying. Trying to laugh. Trying to smile. Trying to breathe. It comes suddenly like a wave that surprises an unprepared tourist.

I hear the sound of the melody playing far in the background. Someone searching for the right keys, grasping the ivories for how could they ever let go? Pleading with each black and white key, hoping to be carved perfectly like a fallen tree into a perfect beam. Searching for what is really meant to be.

The sun shines as i search for your face. It doesn't take long for me to find it. I see it everywhere. I see it in everyone. The stranger who opens the door. The actress who smiles and bites her lip. Your sweet sister who hugged me tight just like you used to. Your loving father who asked me how i am. Your touch is everywhere. Your eyes searching me out in the night. The tragedy is, that it's not you. When i see them i think of you. When i see them i find you. But you're lost just as fast.

"Come on skinny love just last the year."

Just last the year. Or maybe just last the day. "Keep your chin up" they say. "Don't forget to smile" they shout as i run out the door. "You'll be okay" they remind me. But the truth is, just because the sun rises, doesn't mean we do. Just because the sky brightens, doesn't mean we can. Just because you're okay, doesn't mean we are. Often you forget. Not all wounds heal.

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